Halt Or I'll - Bang - Shoot

By now you may have heard about the “elderly man” who shot and killed two alleged burglars in Pasadena, Texas.

This news story is like so many I read. All the important details are missing and you have to ferret out of several sources any details that might reveal what really happened. So then we can learn from everyone’s mistakes.

First of all, 61 is not elderly. I know because I will be 55 in January and plan on being able to survive a tad longer without drooling on myself while wearing two hearing aids hooked up to a 12 volt battery on the back of my scooter. I still don’t have any checkered yellow pants that belt up just below my armpits. So that part of the news story is misleading.

I read that the shooter, this Joe Horn guy, used a 12 gauge shotgun, fine, good caliber. What load was he using? Inquiring minds would like to know.

Just in case I come home and find some career criminals at my ranch it would be nice to know if I should use 00Buck, #6 small game, or some fancy rifled slugs. Sheesh, give a fella some idea of what works for goodness sake.

These “burglars” were coming out of a house Joe Horn was supposed to be watching for his neighbor. That means they - BROKE IN!

Tough luck boys, you should have been happy raiding the vegetable garden or stealing the lawn mower or bird bath. Once you break into people’s homes all bets are off. We don’t live in a society that has defined rolls for burglars, murderers, stalkers, terrorists, cannibals, Charlie Mansons or rapists. It can be assumed any scum bag sneaking in or out of a home uninvited is a cornucopia of bad things and anything could happen – even to the scum bag.

On the 911 tapes, the dispatcher was urging Mr. Horn to stay inside his home and not go out with his gun. Mr. Horn made a big mistake by not doing the logical thing. He should have held the phone up for the burglars to hear and had the dispatcher tell them to put the stuff in their hands down and surrender. That would have been the logical thing to do.

I always think to myself, if only the bad guys had some type of uniform to identify themselves. It would be a much safer world – for them.

Look at pimps. They often have a recognizable costume.

Why not turtle neck sweaters, knit hats and cargo pants for burglers?

Murderers could don some red flannel shirt with the sleeves ripped off – ripped, not simply cut with pinking shears either.

Rapists could put on a Bill Clinton mask. Then each person could decide for themselves whether its OK to shoot or not. Many of us seem to have conflicting opinions on this one.

And if the intruder has any form of tattoo on his or her neck larger than a golf ball it should be considered an optional target if the chest is not visible.

I regret suggesting this but maybe Congress should pass a law. We could call it the “Preventing Criminals From Getting Their Ass Shot Off Act” or PCFGTASO for short.

I like this idea a lot better than the “cower inside your house” technique we have been trying since the 60’s.

As we inevitably descend into the third world, utopian, socialist, country our elected officials, the press, and our giant non-profits hope to create it just might be time to bring some order to the chaos.