Turn A Hose On 'em

Alberto Says, “Thanks Larry!”

Recently retired AG Alberto Gonzales was the brunt of most of the news media's barbs until yesterday. That was before the revelations that Utah Senator Larry Craig pled guilty to a misdemeanor charge of lewd behavior back on June 11, 2007.

Publisher and Editor Magazine has some questions as to why a story like this sat for so long without publication. That is one of many questions and interesting bits of information slowly coming out—as apparently Senator Craig has just done, if this is true.

Senator Craig has denied allegations of homosexual activity in the past, and Idaho’s largest paper, The Statesman, has been staking him out and chasing down leads about his private life for about five months. They are supposed to have two reporters tailing him and investigating his past alleged encounters. That cost a few bucks most newspapers claim not to have. So it looks like The Statesman is working with Craig’s opponents to take him out. That may be why they did NOT publish the June 11 guilty plea Roll Call found out about through an anonymous tip—probably someone who finally got tired of waiting for The Statesman. Roll Call confirmed and printed. The Statesman followed with their backlog of material.

The “undercover, plain-clothed officer who arrested Craig was, according to news reports I have seen, was a “cart enforcement officer” at the airport just a year ago. So that is how he knew so much about homosexual hand gestures and foot tapping signals in the men’s room for this big bust?

And how stupid is Senator Craig anyway?

The evidence against Craig:

1. Tapping his foot—a foot with a shoe on it.

2. Having his shoed foot touch another guy’s shoed foot—the officer’s. It looks like he had his britches on the whole time as well. Nothing in the way of private parts were waved about or poked anywhere.

3. He brought his wheeled bag INTO the bathroom stall. I did that last Wednesday at Reagan International. Next time I guess I better leave it outside? (And NO foot tapping either because I will be paying strict attention from now on since I found out the secret rendezvous method I don’t intend to be near. Also. There was no “code” tapped out. That seems strange. You would think it would be the beat of YMCA or some song by George Michael.)

4. Sliding his hand back and forth under the stall divider—no words were exchanged that I know of.

Sounds pretty compelling for a slam dunk conviction by the former “cart officer,” right? Apparently Senator Craig thought so or he would not have pled guilty to the misdemeanor. Not good Craig.

Some congressmen are calling on Senator Craig to resign and some of his fellow Senators are also through with him, as will be the Republican and Independent voters in Idaho next election I wager.

The Democrats on the Hill are mum!

If he was a Democrat that would be different. Did you know that not one single Democrat Congressman, as of today, has asked Rep. William “Dollar Bill” Jefferson to resign? Not one. And here we are on the eve of the anniversary of him taking that National Guard truck out to his New Orleans digs in the middle of the flood to retrieve the bribe money he took from the FBI. That makes it a tad hard to bark at the moon about Sen. Craig I guess.

So here we are looking at another potential , never ending, national, possibly legendary, Republican sex scandal—where no one touched anyone we know of.

Florida Republican Congressman Tom Foley went “all Foley all the time” 24-7 for weeks on the news channels for sending racy emails to adult male pages, some of whom egged him on. No evidence he touched anyone.

Senator Vitter from La. hired female call girls and there is still no evidence he did anything with any one of them. And by now one of them surely would have had a book deal revealing the lurid details, don’t you think? Or are we all waiting for close to the next election to break that news?

And while all this Republican sex and scandal is making news the Democrats are about to nominate for President, the wife of a former president who hardly ever left behind a women who stumbled into his lair without smudged lipstick, rumpled clothes, cigar intrusions, bitten lips, or peeks at the little president under the desk.

When does Jerry Springer enter the picture. This has to be a reality show gone bad.