Be Prepared

From what I can figure, today, January 17, is the date in 1998 that Matt Drudge went public with the Monica Lewinsky story the major news media tried so hard to cover up.

Thanks Matt.

So on the ten year anniversary of one of the most stunning achievements of the made for television dysfunctional situation tragedy known as the “Clinton Clan” I submit this:

New from RONCO, the William Jefferson Clinton Commemorative Condom Collection!

Just in time to re-live a second Clinton “shot” at the White House, you too can own a set of these latex collector’s items packaged in a quick draw Velcro dispenser which can easily and discreetly be attached to your belt – if you’re wearing pants.

Imagine how handy the quick draw dispenser will be should a thong wearing fat girl bearing a pizza wander into YOUR office! Or if a sobbing underling shows up unexpectedly looking for a pay check, you won’t be fumbling for a dose of presidential protection.

And talk about protection. Each one of these Clinton Commemorative Condoms comes with its own unique “distinguishing characteristic” blended right into our amazing product. No more worrying if some trailer park babe can “identify” the Presidential Unit. She and her lawyers will be the laughing stock of the tabloids this time – not you.

DNA on blue dresses, cigars, Oval Office furniture, White House pages, starlets, limos or foreign dignitaries will be a thing of the past with the Clinton Commemorative Condoms.

Get yours now, each bearing the Presidential Seal of Approval.

And if you order an economy sized box of these amazing, four inch, heavy duty Clinton Commemorative Condoms in the quick draw dispenser RONCO will make this special offer.

Shipped along with the Clinton Condoms will be a personalized “Flying Ashtray Protective Hat,” a $75 dollar value, yours free just for trying our Clinton Commemorative Condoms. This Flying Ashtray Protective Hat may look like any ordinary hard hat but look again! Inside is a set of earplugs designed to cut shrill and annoying voices by 80%!

And if at any time you are unsatisfied with our Clinton Commemorative Condoms – just keep them.

To get your own Clinton Commemorative Condoms and the free Flying Ashtray Protective Hat, a $75 dollar value, just send your Visa or Master Card to 1600 Hollywood Boulevard, Hollywood, California 02190 : attention Rodger.