Anonymous - How low can you go?

How low can you go?

Don't move that limbo bar

You'll be a limbo star

How low can you go?*

How low can the Town of Derry go? 

Two have been arrested from the DPW in Derry's storied history, one the director of the entire operation and the guy who was operating the scales.  A former town administrator claimed to live in town, didn't, but maintained a pied a terre by the lake as if he did, and continued as a police commissioner in another town after saying he wasn't, was caught, then said he hadn't.  A former councilor voted to fund a private economic development outfit then jumped the table to take its directorship once the check cleared.  All this folderol came after he insisted on calling a two million dollar loss on a town funded project a profit because it would make a profit 'someday'.  Derry has a councilor who continually complains about the taxpayers' right to express themselves at meetings after he publicly failed to recuse himself from a vote authorizing the town to take over his own private road, after he had appeared before the council as a ranking member of the committee charged with selecting private roads to be added to the public domain, then named his own road as one of only three to be so added.  But by God he got it done.  Of course, Derry also has a relatively famous fire chief who tried operating for awhile with an unmarked car because he wrote that he was tracking an arson ring and because he felt he needed the anonymity to stand well back in the crowd in order to assess the effectiveness of his officers and men at the conflagrations which all too often hobble Derry.  The Derry fire chief, never one to hide his light under a basket, also travels far and wide, offering his vast expertise to other departments for a fee payable to MRI.  One of these paid pronunciamentos even resulted in the firing of a small town Massachusetts fire chief, whose brief was some 60 miles from Derry.

And with the above wallpaper serving as the backdrop, Derry now has a town administrator who, as far as the townsfolk understand it after reading in the newspapers about the costs of extradition, attorney's fees, transportation fees, the costs of preparing writs, the costs of serving the writ, the costs of the acceptance of the writ, miscellaneous fees, the costs of assessing the costs, and the dreadful difficulties involved in dragging a wanted man from a bordering state to another, and although everyone's been real cooperative both here and there, John Anderson, formerly of Boothbay, Maine, formerly of Derry, and now apparently of Boothbay, Maine, again, without visible means of support since the Derry Town Council pulled the plug on his paychecks, is on the run from charges of indecent exposure and lewdness.  That's right, the current Derry Town Administrator is wanted by the New Hampshire authorities.  But since he's in Maine on a misdemeanor, we won't go get him because of the cost.  And Anderson, as cops say, remains at large. 

Ooooh, what a lucky man he was

Ooooh, what a lucky man he was**

Must the citizenry band together, pool their cash, put up a reward, and engage bounty hunters to bring this sad story to a close?  Should a posse be formed, travel to Maine, and snatch Mr. Anderson and remand him to the High Sheriff of Rockingham County?  How much longer are the citizens of Derry to be held captive by this wacky, selfish, possibly ill, yet allegedly criminal, albeit crafty, individual?  Will his refusal to surrender and go quietly reflect on his sentence and his inability to hold future jobs of similar import?  Will Mr. John Anderson, if convicted, become a registered sex offender?  These questions still remain unanswered as time passes inexorably by and a horrific winter, the likes of which stopped the Germans at the Gates of Moscow, as predicted by no less than The Farmer's Almanac, approaches.

What must be done with the councilors remaining on the board, Messrs. Brad Benson and Neil W. Wetherbee, and the highly touted town attorney, Mr. Ed Boutin, Esq., who supposedly constructed this contract so poorly written, so shabbily put together, so abominably riddled with holes large enough to allow a B-52 to taxi through it without singing an edge, which may allow John Anderson to return to his position as Town Administrator?  While there is a clause for dismissal for a felony, there appears to be no clause for dismissal for cause should the administrator commit a misdemeanor, or two, like indecent exposure and lewdness?  Alan Dershowitz would have fun in court ripping these jamokes to pieces.  No clauses for misdemeanor criminal acts?  If this is true, Boutin should be immediately relieved of his duties, to wit "helping" the Town of Derry.

How low can you go?


*   Limbo Rock by Chubby Checker


** Lucky Man by Emerson, Lake & Palmer