I don't think Joe McQuaid is Gay! Really! Honest!

 Please Joe, Give me a Chance!

 

By Dave Jarvis

 

I would like to take this opportunity to ask Joseph McQuaid for a job. It will be the second time in two weeks, but they say be aggressive, so here it is. I want to work for the Union Leader, the most powerful (cough) newspaper in New Hampshire. For decades the editorial board of the Union Leader have ruled New Hampshire politics with all the love and care of a Big Brother. They have generously reminded us all when our thoughts are misguided, and have come down like a crashing brick wall on any thought criminal who may need some reeducation. They have been champions of doublethink espousing both conservatism and corporatism. They have freed our minds from a multitude of imperfections by wiping out all alternative thoughts and for that they should be thanked.

 

The only remaining question is...how do I sign up? I want to join. I want to be a Leaderite, or Unioner, or McQuaidian, or possibly a Clingon. I want to submit to the power. I want to tie my shoe, drop the soap, whatever I need to do to be a part of the majesty! Why? Well I just like the way the editors just couldn't care less what anyone thinks about anything. They keep very simple opinions, zero complexity. Humanity, life, economics, war, peace, history, the future, everything is as simple as freedom fries.

 

There's us, them, right, wrong, in, out, good, bad, holy, evil, insiders and outsiders, and above all there is the salvific right wingers, and the demonic (well everyone else).

 

Today, in the Union Leader, Big Mac defended the family. In expressing his wish that the word marriage could not be officially used on same sex civil unions he somehow elevated the whole mass of heterosexual unions to something they may or may not be, sacred. Now that's power. A couple meet in Vegas, get drunk, wakes up the next morning in each other's underwear with rings on their fingers and because they are male and female, something “sacred” must have happened that warrants the defense of society. Non-traditional, possibly perverted sexual behavior performed by a man and a woman is sacred, between same sex individuals is a sin. And the right to define a relationship as friendship or romance or marriage is held by one group of individuals, heterosexuals.

 

That's power. To shut down so many people, to define their rights for them, to define the limits of their love. Man that's where I want to be.

 

So, Joe...give me a job. Let me figure out whose lives I can monkey around with. Let me help creating a more simplistic world requiring less thought that can be fully described in a couple sentences.

 

Put me to work!